Executive Function, Explained: Perspective Taking Is an Executive Function Skill
Why understanding another person's perspective is a skill that develops with practice, not just maturity.
"That's not fair."
"It wasn't my fault."
"But they started it."
Most of us have heard some version of these phrases.
In the moment, it can feel like your teen refuses to see anyone else's perspective.
First you explain.
Then they argue.
Then you explain again.
And finally nothing ever changes.
It's easy to assume they don't care.
Oftentimes, something else is happening.
Perspective taking is a skill.
And like many executive function skills, it develops over time.
What Is Perspective Taking?
Perspective taking is the ability to understand that another person may have different:
thoughts
feelings
experiences
motivations
information
than we do.
It doesn't mean agreeing with their feelings, behaviors or opinions.
It means considering another person’s point of view.
Why It's Hard
Perspective taking depends on several executive function skills working together.
It requires teens to:
pause before reacting
hold multiple ideas in mind
manage big emotions
consider another explanation
shift from their own perspective
When emotions are high, these skills become much harder to access.
Why Lectures Rarely Work
Many parents naturally respond by explaining.
"You need to think about how your sister feels."
"You should know better."
"If someone did that to you..."
Although well-intentioned, these conversations often happen when a teen's brain is already overwhelmed.
Instead of creating understanding, they can increase defensiveness.
Curiosity Builds Perspective
Invite curiosity rather than giving them the answers
Questions like:
What do you think happened from their point of view?
What clues helped you think that?
Could there be another explanation?
How do you think they felt?
Perspective taking grows through exploration, not correction.
Start With Their Feelings
Before teens can understand someone else's emotions, they often need help identifying their own.
Many teens describe every emotion as:
mad
sad
fine
Learning a broader emotional vocabulary helps them better understand themselves, and eventually other people.
How We Practice This
Perspective taking doesn't only happen during conflict.
It can be practiced through:
books
movies
games
role-playing
everyday conversations
Even asking,
"What do you think that character was feeling?"
helps strengthen this skill.
Perspective taking isn't about winning an argument.
It's about helping teens become more flexible thinkers, stronger communicators, and more effective problem-solvers.
Like every executive function skill, it develops gradually through practice, curiosity, and support.
If your teen struggles with communication, emotional regulation, or navigating relationships, executive function coaching can help build these skills in ways that carry into school, friendships, and everyday life.
Book a free clarity call here:
About Me
I’m an educator and executive function coach passionate about helping kids with ADHD and learning differences thrive. After years of seeing bright students struggle with organization, focus, and confidence, I guide parents and children with practical strategies that work in the real world.
If you are ready to help your child succeed and build lasting skills, schedule a 1:1 coaching session today.
