Executive Function, Explained: When There’s Too Much to Hold in Mind
Why working memory can make everyday tasks harder and how to reduce what your teen has to keep track of at once.
You ask your teen to grab their backpack, fill their water bottle, and bring the permission slip sitting on the counter.
They come back with the backpack.
No water bottle. No permission slip.
Or they sit down to work on an assignment, read the directions, start working, and halfway through realize they’ve forgotten part of what they were supposed to do.
It can look like they weren’t listening or weren’t paying attention.
Sometimes there was too much to hold in their mind at once.
That’s where working memory comes in.
What Is Working Memory?
Working memory is one of the executive function skills we use to temporarily hold onto information while doing something with it.
We use it all day.
Remembering the next step while completing the current one. Following multi-step directions. Keeping a question in mind while searching for the answer. Remembering what you were about to do after being interrupted.
Working memory is finite.
And when there’s already a lot competing for our attention, it becomes even harder to keep everything active at once.
I notice this in myself too. When I have too much in my head, something is getting forgotten.
Writing things down helps me much more than trying harder to remember.
What This Can Look Like for Teens
A teen may know exactly what they need to do and still lose track of part of the process.
Working memory can also affect getting started, especially when a task has several steps to keep track of. I wrote more about identifying what may be getting in the way in [What’s Underneath Procrastination?]
You might notice them:
completing only part of a multi-step direction
forgetting what they were doing after an interruption
losing their place during a longer assignment
remembering an assignment but forgetting something they need to complete it
having difficulty keeping several deadlines or responsibilities straight
And the demands increase as students get older.
There are different teachers, assignments, activities, schedules, deadlines, messages, and expectations to keep track of.
Add stress, distractions, or a lack of sleep, and there can be even more competing for their attention.
“Just Remember” Adds More to Remember
When something gets forgotten, our instinct is often to add another reminder.
“Don’t forget your permission slip.”
“Remember you have practice after school.”
“Make sure you turn that in.”
Sometimes reminders help.
But if a student already has a lot to keep track of, another verbal reminder can become one more piece of information they have to hold onto.
Instead, I like to ask:
Does this need to stay in their head, or can we put it somewhere they can see it?
A calendar can hold the date.
A checklist can hold the steps.
A reminder can hold the thing that needs to happen later.
Written directions can stay available after the conversation is over.
We can use tools to reduce how much working memory has to do.
Make the Information Visible
One of the most useful things we can do is move information out of our heads and into the environment.
For a teen, that could look like writing the three things they need before leaving the house instead of repeatedly reminding them.
For a longer assignment, it might mean keeping the directions open while they work.
If there are several steps, write them down and focus on the next one rather than trying to remember the entire process.
If they think of something they need to do later, give them somewhere to capture it before the thought disappears.
The specific tool matters less than whether your teen will use it.
A beautifully organized planner that stays zipped inside a backpack isn’t helping much.
The best system is one your teen will use consistently.
Stress Can Take Up Space Too
Working memory also doesn’t operate separately from everything else happening around us.
When we’re stressed or distracted, there can be even more competition for our attention.
Research on mindfulness and working memory is interesting. Some studies suggest mindfulness practices may help protect working-memory performance during periods of high stress.
This reinforces:
Sometimes reducing what is competing for our attention can help us use the skills we already have.
That might mean pausing before beginning, moving somewhere with fewer distractions, taking a short movement break, or giving yourself a moment to refocus.
Help Them Find What Works
I don’t want students to leave with the idea that there is one correct system for remembering everything.
Instead, I want them to start noticing:
When do I tend to forget things?
What am I usually trying to keep track of when that happens?
What could I put somewhere outside my head?
Then we can test a few strategies.
Maybe a checklist. Maybe Google Calendar. Maybe a sticky note on the door. Maybe setting out what they need the night before.
Try it and see what happens.
That process of noticing what helps is an executive function skill too.
Try This This Week
Notice one place where your teen is being asked to remember something they could see instead.
Then ask:
“Where could we put this so you don’t have to keep it in your head?”
You may find that the support they need isn’t another reminder.
It’s somewhere for the information to live.
Want More Support?
If your teen struggles with planning, organization, getting started, or following through, Raising Executive Function is a free community for parents of middle and high school students.
Inside, we share practical resources, short lessons, and conversations about helping teens build executive function skills and greater independence.
[Join Raising Executive Function — it’s free.]
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